Drift off

"Roxanne? Are you crying?" - her roommate Tim knocked on the bathroom door.

"No, I'm trying to make the water boil in my tub."

"Roxanne, is this about that guy?"

"What? No! It's about me."

"Did something else happen?" Tim asked.

"Yeah, I lost my dignity."

"Oh, Roxanne, don't beat yourself up about it. Sometimes people just drift off."

"Tim, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but let me figure out everything myself."

"Well, you've been there for over two hours. And I'd reaaally want to pee."

"Is that why you're being all supportive?" Roxanne laughed.

"No, I'm being supportive for you. See? I even made you laugh." Tim paused. "But I also want to pee."

"Fine, wait five minutes."

Roxanne got out from her bath. Just as she stepped on the mat, the light went out.

"Hey, turn the light back on!"

"I didn't do anything. Maybe the light bulb went out."

"Perfect. Just fantastic." Roxanne shook her head.

"I'll bring a flashlight. I think we're out of light bulbs."

"Of course we are." Roxanne said as she finally grasped her towel and started drying herself off. She moved a few more steps, found her bathrobe and put it on. She staggered to the door and opened it. Immediately she her hand to her eyes and let out a growl as Tim flashed the light into her eyes.

"Sorry." Tim said.

"It's fine." Roxanne said and went to her room.

She collapsed on her bed and considered not moving for a few days and wondered if people would notice. She shook the feeling off (well, just hid it deeper, actually) and turned on her laptop to watch a movie and not think about anything.

Roxanne decided to watch Lord of the Rings. The sight of hobbit feet made her smile for a moment. The smile disappeared when Aragorn and Arwen came to stage. She paused the movie and figured it's about time to eat something. She came back with some sandwiches and started checking Facebook while munching on them. One of her friends had a post that he was planning to jump with a parachute and he was looking for company. Roxanne paused for a bit, then decided "Why not?" and agreed to jump with the guy. She had one day until the jump.

Since she wasn't in the mood for Lord of the Rings anymore, she took out a book examining random elements. No chance for romance in this book. After reading for about twenty minutes, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Roxanne said and didn't even turn, because she knew it was Tim. Who else could it be?

"Roxy, I really think we should talk about it."

"I'm fine, there's nothing to talk about."

"I checked the bath water. You've been in there until it was ice cold. And yesterday I heard you smash things. You're clearly not ok."

"I just need to cool off, you know? I'll be fine, I'm always fine."

"You always say that, but do you seriously believe it?" Tim sat next to her.

Tears gathered to Roxanne's eyes, but she pushed them away.

"I'll tell that until I believe it."

"Listen, you've come a long way since I first met you. You were really a closed person. And especially when you met him, I thought everything's going to be fine."

"But it wasn't."

"Yeah, but the thing that you put yourself in that kind of risk is good. You wouldn't have done that the first time I met you."

"No."

"See? Not all mountains are measured in meters you know. You did a lot, you started trusting people, don't let one little setback get you away from reaching the top."

"I just don't want to feel anything. From now on I am a pyramid and my feelings are buried inside. I'm done."

"Roxy, don't be a pyramid. You're a human being."

"But I can't feel like this."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to!"

"Well, sorry to hear that, but some feelings can't go away just by wishing them away. Are you mad at him?"

"What? No! Well maybe a little. I'm actually mad at myself that I let myself believe that something will come out o this. I told him it wouldn't work! I told him! And what did he don? Made me believe everything's going to be fine and then everything just stopped! I would have been fine if he said something, like "Look, this won't work out", but he just stopped! Like it was nothing! He said he would never forget me, well I guess it was easier than he thought... but you know what? You know what bugs me off most?? It's the fact that he couldn't look in my eyes or even just write a message that's it's done! Why? Am I such a bad person that I didn't deserve at least that? That's low. That's being a wuss."

Tim hugged her.

"Do you feel better now?" he asked.

"Actually...yeah. A little."

"You know, you don't need to be with anyone."

"Yeah, I know. I guess I'm a bit hotheaded that's all. And it's nice to feel connected."

"Well, at least you can't throw lightnings or the guy would be done for."

Roxanne laughed.

"So what are your plans now? Are you going to talk to him?"

"Why? I've already tried. I'm not going to chase him."

"Great. What about some food?"

"Changing the topic? Good idea. um, I'm already eating sandwiches, so I'm good, thanks."

"Yeah, about that. Go make me one."

"You do realize, that in this mood I can squish you like a bug if you don't rephrase your request, right?" Roxanne squinted at him.

"Pleaaaaase?" Tim asked. "You make the best sandwiches."

"Fine, but you'll be making dinner then."

"Fine by me."

"Great." Roxanne stood up and headed towards the door.

"Roxy?"

"Yeah?" she stopped at the door.

"Wait up, I'll make some coffee with the sandwiches." Roxanne smiled as he said that. "And I have to make sure you'll make my sandwich right."

"Frick off." Roxanne laughed as they both headed to the kitchen.