Šperų dilema

Ir vėl bemiegės naktys - skaičiau skaidres.

Tai reiškia, kad dieną praleidiau marias

Stengdamasi negalvoti apie tai, kas bus.

Norėjau pamiršti apie visus koliokviumus.

Taip taip, žinau, prisiminsi, kai kartosi

Tūkstančius kartų. O po to gal ir išmoksi.

Svarbiausia, kad gautum gerą pažymį ir viskas.

Nemanau, kad kas liks, juk medžiagos -  miškas.

Turėjau dėstytoją ne vieną, kurie su šypsena

Kartodavo, kad "Nusirašinėti - nevalia",

Bet tuo pačiu įkvėpimu grūmodavo pirštu:

"Mano koliai - sunkūs, susimausi ir tu".

Ir aišku, bent vienas pasiūlo naudotis špera,

Juk tai nesunku, niekas nemato, pažymį gerą

Gausi laisvai. Stipendija garantuota,

Galės būti knygoms ir alui panaudota.

Taip, suprantu, kartais nelieka išeities,

Ir be šperos rankovėj nebus ateities.

Aš neskundžiu, kartais nėra kelio kito.

Bet atleisk, jei nekęsiu sprendimo šito.

Kai tau jos reikia, nes tu tiesiog tingėjai,

Kai tau jos reikia, nes tau galvoj vėjai

Ir dar pasikeli vidurkį, o tau ploja,

Duoda stipendiją ir dėstytojai moja?

Tiesą sakant, net nežinau ant ko pykstu labiau.

Ant tavęs, kad pasirinkai, kad tingėti geriau,

Ar ant dėstytojų ir univero, kuriems pažymys

Svarbiau nei ką atsimins jų buvęs mokinys.

Bedtime Stories Part 7: The Different Path of a Psychopath

Good to see you again, my dear readers.

Halloween has passed and my ghosts became calmer and the monster from the mirror hasn't bothered me since. But that doesn't mean I forgot about it and I'm still trying to figure out what really happened. Of course, for the time being I might just dismiss it as a hallucination from overworking myself, but maybe I will find something. The mirrors are still a bit glowy when I pass them, but I try not to see it.

But let's talk about something different. November has come and I have heard that most serial killers are born in November. So that's today's topic - serial killers. Moreover, I would like to target one specific group of serial killers - psychopaths. The theme of psychopaths have been explored by many authors and movie makers. Somehow people with twisted minds and an ax attract so many people to the cinemas. The term psychopath sometimes is thrown left and right, but what exactly makes a person a psychopath?

According to studies it takes two things - genetics and upbringing. And they have to be both effective (effective as in there's a gene and a bad childhood) in order for the person to turn into a psychopath. That means that people who have the gene but had an amazingly nice childhood will not necessarily turn into a mass murdering psychopath. Now that doesn't mean that we have to test each and every child for the gene and immediately put them in mental hospitals. What we should take out from this study is that we should treat kindly and ensure a good childhood. 

If it so happens that a person grew up to be a psychopath it doesn't necessarily mean he is a killer. A person has to kill at least three people to be labelled a serial killer. But psychopaths go above all that because of their lack of feeling guilt and remorse and predatory behavior. But like it was mentioned before - not all psychopaths are in jails and mental hospitals. They are among us. So naturally, a question arises - how to spot one among the crowd?

There is a special psychopath test which lists the characteristics. One of them is that the person lies a lot. Lying is a psychopath's everyday bread.  What else? Usually it's violent behavior - with animals, people, they hang out with criminals, they are happy with other people's misfortune and they like to inflict it as well.

Now if you know any people like this that doesn't necessarily mean that they are psychopaths. Most people share one or two or even more traits with psychopaths. That's why it's so hard to actually identify them. Plus, if you did the test and you start thinking "oh no - 9 out of 10, I'm almost a psychopath - what shall I do? Should I go to a mental hospital and admit myself right now?" don't worry. If you start thinking this, then most probably you are not a psychopath as they have such developed defense mechanisms that they will never think they are in fact psychopaths. Not even when they are killing somebody. Heck, they might even think they're doing the dead person a favour.

Now there you have it. After reading this you might start being suspicious of each person you meet, or you might continue your life as you used to. But for now, sleep tight. If you can.

Bedtime Stories Part 6: Look In The Mirror - The Reflection Is Smiling at You

Good evening, dear readers.

I am writing to you...and I am sad to say...I believe I am going mad. Now don‘t start telling otherwise, because I haven‘t told you the story yet. Also, if I am not going mad then the answer is much more strange of what has been going on to me lately. I beg I find an answer, I have been sitting days and nights researching this in the libraries, but I haven’t found much. But first, let me tell you what happened to me.

It was my mirror.

I started noticing something strange while looking at my reflection. It was if it started to react a millisecond slower than me. When I would walk past a mirror, my reflection would follow me a millisecond later than usual. Of course, at first I thought it was because I was tired, I put the blame on my sleepless nights and busy days. But something has happened and it made me change my mind. I was looking at my mirror, Tuesday morning I believe, it was right after shower. I was inspecting it with a keen eye, checking, hoping that I imagined everything. But then…my reflection smiled to me. Not with eyes. That other me just smiled with her mouth showing her teeth. And the teeth – they seemed sharper than mine. It lasted only a second, but that second was too long.

Naturally, I did the one thing I do best when I’m faced with the unknown. I googled it. At first I found lots and lots of horror stories, but I kept on searching. I had to have at least some proof that I wasn’t the only one experiencing this. And I had to know what it meant. Questions just popped in my mind one after another: does this happen a lot? Was this one time deal or will it happen again? Does it happen to random people? Why does this happen?

I found information about psychics, meditation, out of body experience, but most of them concentrated on changing of the eyes, seeing the aura and so on. But my reflection did none of those things. It smiled at me. With sharp teeth. This is not meditation. It might have been a hallucination, but I did not take anything before to make me hallucinate. I asked the ghosts, but they seemed clueless as well. Am I just simply going mad? Or am I slowly getting consumed by darkness like the last reporter? I actually never found out what really happened to her. I just got this job almost like out of nowhere. But who can I ask about it?

Not finding anything on the Internet, I thought I might try out the public library. But sadly all it had were books about reflection of your actions and how you can change for the better. Nothing about the actual reflections. I tried to go to a psychotherapist to ask maybe there is something wrong with me and I have to know why my mind is playing tricks. He said I seem perfectly normal. Well, ok, not perfectly normal, but mostly normal. He was intrigued by my story as well, but just said I was probably tired and a tired mind always has a lot of tricks for the eyes. I got a scan of my brain (that thing is a bit expensive though) but it showed nothing.

Right now, I honestly don’t know where to look anymore. If you have some contacts please write them to me. I am not frightened easily – I live with ghosts, for heaven’s sakes. I enjoy looking into supernatural, but this time supernatural looked back at me. It has been almost a week now since that incident and I do not know if it will happen again. Part of me is very curious and part of me is scared. There is nothing much I can do but search more information and wait.

And for you, my dear readers, now I can only wish you to sleep tight. If you can.

Bedtime Stories Part 5: Tell Me My Future. NOW

Good evening, dear readers.

When’s the last time you read your horoscope?

Future is a mysterious land that everybody wants to have a peek in. There is even a business – the fortune tellers are expected to become quite busy as the end of the year approaches and everyone wants to get in line and see what the stars hold them for the future. But how can you do that?

First of all, there are two ways to know your future: one being when people invoke some spirits and ask for their guidance (which is very ill adviced as we all heard from our interviewee Chad) and the other being more simple fortune telling. A lot of fortune telling is associated with gypsies, but I would be lying if nobody else at least tried to find out their future.

When you say fortune-telling, some people see Tarot cards, others – an old lady with a crystal ball, some imagine some more bizarre stuff. For example, cutting up animals and trying to guess the future from their insides. Another way is listening into uncontrollable laughter or cat meowing and trying to find a pattern. And let’s not forget the great octopus Paul who was guessing who will win the football matches. There’s also parrot astrology where the future is determined by the cards the parrot chooses.

SO how did this all start? In the old days, when the Ancient civilizations were in prosper, fortune-telling was not only an art, but also a very respected profession. The people who could see the future were admired advisors for kings and generals from more than 5000 years ago. I can understand why they were so valued – every person who can tell you what to do in a difficult situation is worth gold. Especially, if it later becomes true. Of course, it was a dangerous profession as well: if the fortune-teller would accidentally tell what the person didn‘t want to hear, or worse, the foretold future would be different from the actual future, chances are that the fortune-teller would be found dead. Ok, not really found – he would have a proper execution with the whole town watching.

When Christianity got a huge move in Europe, it was considered as a sin as you shouldn’t know your future. That makes you easier to control. It was reborn in Renaissance and buried with the age of Reason in 17-18^th centuries. That was until the rise of commercialism and consumerism. Then people got more liberate and free and decided that they can not only control their future, but they want a glimpse in there as well. Because as it turns out, when you know the future then you have a better chance of changing it. It has grown into a very profitable business these days.

Why people are so interested in tomorrowland? Why is it so important for some people to know what exactly will happen? I mean come to think about it, the future will always be different than you imagined it. Chances are, it will be the more different, the more clear plan you have. That‘s how the world just wants to mess with you.

Or it can be, that by knowing your future you can make it happen by not wanting it to happen. It‘s pretty complicated stuff when you start messing with the unknown. Also, it‘s very unclear – if you use different tools to find out your future, you can be almost certain you will get different answers. If you get the same answer – congratulations, your path is laid down before you. But that doesn‘t happen very often.

People get into fortune-telling because they want to be prepared for the future. But here‘s the catch – what if by knowing some disaster and avoiding it, you will jump into a catastrophe? What then?

You might dream your future, but there‘s a catch here as well. Is the future presented in the pleasant dreams or in the nightmares? What if it‘s both?

It‘s said that you should live like today is the last day, but prepare for tomorrow none-the-less. This saying is a little weird and vague, but most vague and unclear sayings are true because they can be true in every situation. That’s why writing horoscopes is such an art – make it so vague that it would apply for a huge part of humanity.

It doesn’t matter if you believe in fortune-telling or not, the future will always be like a leaf on the river stream – even if you manage to see it from far away, it will come and become the past before you can say “Is that a leaf?”.

So try not to be worried about your future that much, my readers. Or worry immensely; it’s your life, after all. There is only one thing you can be sure about – future will become your past sooner than you can notice. But for now, sleep tight. If you can.

Bedtime Stories Part 4: Bring Me Those Nightmares

Good evening, dear readers.

Everybody knows that sleep is important. It is. It’s said you should sleep at least six hours per day so your brains would be fully rested. There are many studies conducted about sleep patterns and sleep in general. I’m not going to talk about any of that.

As it was mentioned before, October is for spooky and weird and while sleep might seem normal for most, when you think about it, it’s a bit weird. Just think about it — you dress yourself in different clothes (or undress at all), you lay on something (usually it’s something soft and comfortable) and you become almost like dead for at least a few hours. Not to mention that you get hallucinations in that time as well. Your brain is projecting some images that you are most likely to forget when you wake up. But sometimes if you remember, it can be such images that will make you want to forget sleep for a while.

You have probably guessed that I am talking about nightmares (and I’m not talking about those horses from Might and Magic). These scary dreams that everyone has had at least once in their life and usually has them scratched in their memory. Why are nightmares so terrifying? Well, as most of you know, dreams are our subconsciousness projections about ourselves. So if you are having a nightmare, it’s usually about something you are already worrying. And then comes in your brain and projects the worst case scenario into your mind and you have it stuck there. Good luck thinking about success after that.

The most common nightmare themes are falling, getting embarrassed in public or being chased or followed. Each of these tell something about your state of mind. If you worry a lot, the nightmares can repeat themselves. For example, if you have a lot of nightmares that you are chased/followed, it might mean you might be avoiding something and you shouldn’t. The nightmares show what you are afraid the most and when you wake up you have the tools to change what you saw so that it wouldn’t happen at all.

Of course, all these things might mean something even more if you would consider the possibility that each time you fall asleep you access a different reality where the other version of yourself is alive and getting into all this action. Would your life become better or worse because of that? Maybe the life where you have a stable job, a partner is the nightmare of that person in the alternate reality? If you could switch your place with the person of your nightmares, would you? Sure, the nightmares might seem scary, but maybe it’s the kick you have been looking for. The rush of adrenaline, the danger — something more interesting than filing papers, isn’t it?

What if one day you would slip into your nightmare and realize you can control it? What if you told yourself it’s a dream, but you’d pinch yourself and you would still feel it? Would you step out to your chaser anyway? Would you jump of a building just to check?

Remember the last nightmare you had. What was it about? What did you do? Did you get stranded in the woods? Did you mess up your presentation? Did you try to fall and fell to your death? I bet it was interesting dream. I bet if you’d write it down you would find something compelling. Maybe you would find a differnt side of yourself. The one that was secret and can open up only in your dreams.

Dreams and especially Nightmares are something different. They are also enchanting. They grab your attention like an action movie. And of course, it’s not every person’s cup of tea, but some people get their kicks out of battling fear. We’ve already talked about this last week. And it’s the same with nightmares. That’s why some people would trade their lives with nightmares.

So I have a proposition for you. Try writing down the dreams this week and see what your mind says about you. You can lie to yourself as much as you want, but your dreams do not lie. Maybe you will find out something about yourself you were afraid to face.

But for now, dear readers, sleep tight. If you can.

Bedtime Stories Part 3: Go Ahead and Scare Me

It‘s a pleasure to see you again, my readers.

After the month turned into October, most of the social media websites began preparation for Halloween. Most people started recommending best horror books, movies, best costumes and best pranks to scare other people. I saw countless lists of „Must see this October“ and „Remember the classic spooks“ and it got me thinking. Now I have a few friends who can‘t stand to watch horror movies, I‘m not a huge fan myself, but I enjoy watching horror games being played out and after the jump scares have a little laugh that I got frightened of something that is not real. And I talked to some horror movie enjoyers and they said the same: they like the suspense that something scary has to happen soon and jump from their couch when it happens. The thing is, even if only a few people like getting left in abandoned houses and forests, and most people who like horror genre wouldn‘t enjoy that, both groups are looking for spooks. Why?

I decided to investigate this a little bit, having my ghosts, my libraries and common knowledge at hand. The first reason I thought of is the rush of thrill. It happens right after the hero survives or the movie ends and the bad guy is caught. It is a very powerful feeling which brings a lot of endorphins and this is the happy hormone if you remember well. Of course, this happens not for everybody, but some people, especially those who like extremes and are always pushing themselves, they are searching for this feeling. When you are watching a movie, you kind of identify yourself with the main character and you feel the suspense the same as the character or when the bad guy is standing behind the hero’s back and he/she can’t see it. It makes you sit on the edge of your seat and just wait for what will happen next. If the so called “conflict” is resolved in a good way – the threat is avoided, you feel relief, and you get your breath back (because some people even hold their breath during scenes full of suspense). And this is a very good and pleasurable feeling. If the threat kills of the character some people go in denial, some people go in a bit of shock and this doesn’t usually bring such pleasurable feelings.

It also depends how are you watching the movie/playing the game/reading the book. If you are doing all of these scary things alone at night with a little light, chances are you will get more and more frightened by it. Because as we all know, darkness and being alone increases your imagination to kick in and OH MY DEAR WHAT WAS THAT IN THE CORNER? DID YOU SEE THAT? IT WAS RIGHT BEHIND YOU! NO?! HOW COULD YOU MISS THAT? and as I was saying your imagination can start creating things that are not there. Although, that ghost up there is real, so don’t doubt that one. Anyway, if you are seeking for horror genre with your friends, you are most probably going to end up less scared and having a better time as the fright fastens your heart rate and that means all emotions are processed faster. Something that might have been not funny before, now might seem like the funniest thing you have ever heard. This is probably why some people start laughing in stressful situations. Also, it’s because laughter is one of the defense mechanisms.

You should remember that not all people like scary movies or search for extremes. Most people enjoy living a safe ghostless and horror-free life. Some people might think it’s boring or impossible, but we have to remember that if people don’t like horror it’s not upon horror junkies to force them into horror. People like different things. Maybe your neighbor gets the same rush of emotion after planting a new flower as you after playing that horror game that you saw.

If people seek for horror and they like being scared, they might also differ in ways they like to be scared. Maybe someone can’t digest zombies because it reminds them some childhood toys, but enjoys watching a ghost story. It all depends. People are the weirdest beings on the planet and they like things how they like it. Sometimes scary movies or games can change the way people behave. After some movies people get angsty in locked rooms or maybe swimming in sea seems more dangerous than it was before. It’s all personal. I guess that’s why horror genre attracts people, it’s not only mysterious, but it’s a bit personal. We all had some horrible things happen but we went through. We all had those moments that were close. But we are here. And horror movies bring back that good adrenaline rush. If you can’t afford a parachute jump, you can just watch a horror movie and the effect might be similar.

So what are the plans for this week?

Monday is for exploring horror books. You don’t have to read all of them or any of them. Just check out who are the celebrated writers and why. Maybe you will find something to put on your list.

Tuesday is for horror games. You don’t have a horror game? Don’t like to play video games? Not good at playing video games? No problem – social media is full of people who film themselves while playing horror games. Explore the story, graphics and have a laugh at the screaming fellow.

Wednesday is for exploring the darkness. Check how long you can stay in a room with just a candle before you start seeing things from the corner of your eyes.

Thursday go on a rollercoaster. It might bring that adrenaline rush and make you feel great. If there is no rollercoaster around, gather up your friends and make a horror story evening. Everyone knows a good spook story. And it’s usually a real one.

Friday is for a horror movie. Choose an old one, those are interesting to watch because the skeletons are usually on wires and you can see the effects and the screams are hilarious. My friend who hates horror movies loves watching old horror movies because they don’t seem scary at all.

Saturday is for the movies with friends. Go to the cinema, sit in the dark and watch one of the new horror movies. Maybe you will even jump out of your seat.

Sunday is for having a horror free day. Relax. It is your day.

Get ready for a spooky horrifying week even if you don’t watch horror movies. But for now sleep tight. If you can.

Bedtime Stories Part 2: Interview with a Ghost

Since the month of Halloween and pumpkin spiced everything is almost here, I decided to dedicate this month to paranormal and weird and just spooky related. I‘m going to start by taking an interview from one of the ghosts that are rattling next to me in the attic. They were hesitant at first but we agreed that I will let them watch some movies on my laptop and one of them agreed to answer my questions. Not all of course, as he noted that some things are forbidden to talk about with people who are still alive.

Now it might be interesting for you to know how this interview is actually happening, because as you know, people don’t usually see ghosts. Maybe some glimmers but that is pretty much it. Well apparently they can press keyboards if they focus enough, that’s how all the bargaining went – in an open blank Word document while waiting for them to type an answer back. But since I got my volunteer, I could finally start on getting on some secrets.

-          So, maybe we should start with your name. Can you introduce yourself a little?

-          Sure. Uh. My name is Chad Wester and before I died I was 20 years old and an Environmental Engineering student.

-          Did you like the subject you were studying?

-          Yeah, it was actually pretty interesting. I mean, I really care about the environment and I thought I could try and make it more better – you know, maybe persuade people to go more eco. I mean, we have just one Earth and I think we should take care of it.

-          Wow, you were really a good person.

-          Um. I wouldn’t call myself a good person. I think it’s just responsible, that’s all.

-          So, can I ask how did you die or is it too personal?

-          Well, sure, you can ask, it’s just a bit embarrassing - even pretty stupid if you ask me. Ok, so there was this big exam coming up and I just had to ace it if I wanted to be considered for scholarship. It was really really important for me and I was just tired from studying and did the most idiotic thing ever. I kept myself up with coffee and Red Bull and after three days my heart gave up on me. I guess the tiredness made my mind a bit slower and I didn’t actually realize that this can kill me. I thought I was so invincible, just a few sleepless nights didn’t hurt anyone, right? Everybody does this during exams, right? I still can’t believe I traded all my life for a possibility of a good grade… Now I would just take naps instead of coffee, but you know what they say - you find the best solutions when it’s a bit too late.

-          Why are you staying here?

-          This was the place I’ve studied. And I instantly became grounded to this place.

-          Why didn’t you move on – to Heaven or something?

-          Sorry, I can’t discuss these things about afterlife.

-          Not even if some religions are right?

-          Religions exist because people need to believe in something to help them in bad times. I could not take that away. No ghost could. So those who are actually here and those who can communicate with people are not allowed to speak about it.

-          That means that you do get orders from someone or something?

-          …I cannot comment. Can we move on to another question?

-          Do you miss being alive?

-          Of course! Even all of the troubles don’t matter anymore, I wouldn’t care if I didn’t have money anymore for rent, or my love left me, I would much rather be alive than dead. I know, it sounds harsh, but even in the worst of times you can fix it if you are alive. There is nothing you can do when you are dead.

-          So there are no pluses of being dead?

-          You don’t get hungry, thirsty or sleepy. I could study all day now. But you know, that doesn’t matter anymore. There’s no difference. I could learn all the world’s languages if I wanted but there would be no way to use it. What else…you can also move some things around. No possessions though, those things are creepy and wrong.

-          What do you miss most from being human?

-          The first thing I missed was Wifi. And my smartphone. It was like getting over an addiction, learning to be without it. I kept trying to grab it and make a ghost version out of it for at least a whole day. It was a good phone you know, I bought it with my own money. Then I started missing all the movies, books and blogs. So you could say my initial thirst was for technology and knowledge. Then I realized I will never eat pizza. That was a hard time as well. And then I guess I finally realized that I can’t really do anything anymore. Just be a silent spectator and see humanity change and hope that it will be smart and evolving.

-          How did you feel when you realized you were dead?

-          Disappointed at first that I will not get that scholarship. Then scared because I had no idea how things work. Then sad because I realized I won’t be able to talk to my friends, family and I won’t be able to travel anymore. But I got used to it.

-          Do people do something that annoys you as a ghost?

-          Ouija boards. Don’t try calling ghosts with Ouija boards – it’s usually the assholes who answer. Normal ghosts leave you be and just look over you.

-          On this blog we do this weekly schedule for people to have some thoughts about, would you like to do it? You could send like a message for people.

-          I would love to!

Monday: the day before October. You can start getting out your sewing machines and prepare your costumes, start searching for pumpkins. Try not to think that the ghosts are preparing as well. They will not harm you, don’t worry.

Tuesday: enjoy being alive while you still can. Call up your friends and start planning that Halloween party. Or just enjoy the first day of October with something that has pumpkin in it.

Wednesday: pay respect for the dead. Visit the graveyard, pretend it’s a park and walk along the tombstones. If you find somebody’s tombstone nice – tell them. Maybe you will get a friendly ghost on your side.

Thursday: if you have some troubles, make a list and try to find some solutions. I know it might seem tough at first, but trust me - you can find at least three solutions for everything. Just keep on trying.

Friday: write down all the things you are grateful for. If you are not grateful for anything, write down things that make you happy. Even if it’s just a movie or a little butterfly, it counts.

Saturday: if you have some homework, try to do it. Just remember to take breaks. Trust me, it’s not worth pushing yourself because if you will die, there will be no more test and the list you made of Friday won’t matter anymore.

Sunday: spend some time with your family and friends. I know it can be tough around family, because they usually are the ones who question your life choices, but usually they just want to help and they think they know everything. Just listen out, and do what you want. You are not supposed to follow each advice you get.

Well, there you have it, dear readers. Start preparing for Halloween, cherish life and stop using Ouija boards. But for now, sleep tight. If you can.

Bedtime Stories Part 1: Immense Space

Good evening, dear readers.

If you‘re reading this right now, I guess you are one of those people who cannot fall asleep. You can of course read it at daytime but it will lose half of the fun and purpose. After all, my job is to prepare you – your consciousness and sub-consciousness for sleep and work for next week. Our purpose is that you would have interesting dreams and things to think about on your quiet moments during all week. So for full effect, please read this before you sleep.

I am writing this in my attic as the ghosts are rattling in the corner. I will continue to be here until they kick me out. But they shouldn’t do this as I don’t take up too much space and I come here just for a couple of hours on Sunday evening to write a new report for the new week. Anyway. It’s nice to be the new bed time thoughts and stories journalist and reporter. Of course, it’s a little sad that the last one was submerged by the darkness. I liked her. But hey, life goes on and I got this amazing opportunity and I’m not going to waste it. And I can promise you I will try to be the best reporter I can. You can have mine and my boss’s guarantee, because if I am not good in my job, I will too be submerged by darkness.

But let’s go on with tonight’s thoughts and stories. Tonight we shall talk about space. The humongous, endless and extraordinary space. You probably don’t even know how vast the space is. Well let me tell you – it’s way bigger than your school. Bigger than your town. It’s even more immense than your imagination could create. It’s totally bigger than 8 inches. You know what I mean. Like a lot more colossal and vaster and in a way more satisfying.

I guess I’m going a bit off the topic. But that’s ok. Because to really know what you are writing about you should lose yourself every once in a while. And I know I’m writing about space. Yes, it can be the space that is away from our planet, but what about the space here? I mean space is everything. A lot of people break up because they need space. And not all of them become astronauts, now do they? The funny thing is that they say “oooh, I need space, you don’t give me enough space to breath” when in reality, they would suffocate in space. Space is cruel and beautiful in a way. In a way, we are all like space. We are all trying to reach something bigger, always expanding ourselves (that is our point of view) and capable of destroying each other. And that’s not just because of mandatory bare hand combat training. It’s because people are growing apart just like the planets in space, they are going away from each other and closed off in their little worlds. That’s not necessarily bad, but maybe space would be more fun if the planets worked together. All of the planets. Yes, I include Pluto. Pluto will always remain a planet, no matter what your neighbor says. Honestly, how could you even trust that neighbor?

When you think about it, how would our world be if there would be no space? Well if we are talking about the space that is among us, I guess it would be bad news. We wouldn’t have space to move and our lives would be stuck in one place for all the time we are alive. In a sense we already to that – we get stuck in one place, usually in front of the computer and not move for quite a time. But could you imagine all your life like this? Confined and not moving? Everything squeezed together like tetris pieces. I don’t think we would even have what to breath. And if there wouldn’t be space the one that holds the stars… Well. I guess all the planets would be mushed right with the sun which would mean we would burn to death. We probably wouldn’t even exist. Unless we had a form that doesn’t burn. Gladly, it is not so and we can enjoy our space and look up at the stars and wonder what is up there.

For so many years people were looking up and wondering what is up there. Even now, when we have so many technologies, we are still discovering new things in space. We still don’t know everything about space and we want to know more and more. Why do things that you know nothing or close to nothing attract so much? Why is space so attractive? Is it because it’s full of stars? Is it because if you don’t have protective gear you can easily die there? Or is it because of those multiple stories of aliens and hopes that we are not alone in the universe? Well, to be honest I’m not sure. But you can use this week to figure out these questions. And to think how you also might be similar to space and planets and the universe. If you have a hard time finding the time when to think about it or maybe this seems too much for you to think about in one day, you can use our prepared bed time thought schedule for the next week.

Prepare Monday to think about why space is attractive. Maybe you will find out. Maybe you can ask space to go on a date. You are single anyway. You’re not? Well. Everybody needs a little space sometimes.

Devote your Tuesday into getting to know more about space. Ask it why is it so cruel? Why do we have to wear so much protective gear to be there? And why is it so hard to get there? Does it just want to be alone and humanless all the time or is it just now?

Wander to the empty streets on Wednesday night and think about the space as you stare at the stars. Try not to think about that some of them are dead and you might be staring into burned or still burning civilizations.

Thursday is alone time. Try to avoid people and see how other planets feel. Run away if people approach and stare at people from a distance just like you look at other stars and planets from a telescope.

On Friday you can start going out and share your thoughts about space with friends. If they are bored, they are not really your friends and you should search for some new friends because space is awesome. And you don’t need these space non-believers in your life.

Saturday and Sunday are to explore something around you. Shout out your findings in the deep night into space. Maybe it will hear you. Maybe it will shout back.

In conclusion, space is amazing. Love space. Enjoy space. Explore space. Listen to space, maybe it has some great things to say for you. Remember that to hear something you must be really quiet. So relax, and for now, sleep tight. If you can.

Wanderer's Love

The first time I saw the sea, it took my breath away.

The first time I saw the mountains, I was not okay.

The first time I crossed borders, I felt free.

All the times I got lost I discovered the real me.

I am a wanderer and I don't believe in happy endings.

I don't believe there will be a prince defending

Me from dragons, saving me from forbidden towers.

Honestly, I don't even expect to get flowers.

I've learned to be on my own, but I'm not alone.

I live in the moment, I don't have a steady home.

I know all things have an end, they don't last.

I will not live forever, I have to live fast.

I take risks, I swim, I get up and I fall,

I feel I don't want to ever reach the shore

And I feel like I have to open my ribcage

Let my inner eagle fly, before it dies of age.

You have to realize that I can't be steady.

I can't give you calm life, I'm not family-ready.

I will not live in one place, I cannot stay,

I need a person with whom I could run away.

So you see: it's better if you forget me now,

If you are not ready to run with me and I vow:

I don't want to hurt you. Just hurt me - leave.

I'm used to this you know, it's part of the deal.

Studento Mitas/Myth of a Student

----Lithuanian first, English down below---

Studento Mitas

Esu aš visų žinoma keista būtybė

Gyva alum, bet ir žinias geriu

Kad išpilčiau vėliau į popierių.

Aš studentas, įkūnyta linksmybė.

Bet ateina tas metas užaugti

Ieškai darbo, skelbimus vartai,

Noris kažką pasiekti, matai

Ir atsako galiausiai sulauki.

Ar įgavai įgūdžių, patirties?

Ar turi tik teoriją tokią karčią?

Reikia patirties, kad gautum darbą

Reikia darbo, kad gautum patirties.

Kai reikės praktikanto, pakviesiu.

Tu gi studentas! Ką gi tu gali mokėti?

Na, aš moku ne tik popierius sudėti.

Prašau leisti man, aš jus apšviesiu.

Ne iš universiteto patirtis atėjo

Bet už jo ribų, ne paskaitų metu.

Žinau, juokinga, metų nedaug turiu,

Bet išmokau gyventi, klausytis vėjo.

Išmokau gyventi šia diena ir naktim

Bet nepamiršti ir pataupyti rytojui

Šnekėti viešumoj, pasiduoti juokui,

Išklausyti kitus ir pasitikėti savim.

Gavau prisiminimų, kurių nenoriu,

Išmokau gintis, pastovėti už save,

Ir atsistoti, kai jauties kaip kare,

Negali net išverti teismo savo akių...

Ir tau sako, studente, žinok savo vietą.

Bet juk ne pagal naktis teisti priklauso

Ne pagal nuopolius... Bet neduoda šanso

Parodyti, kad kitokie mes esame dieną.

Nežinau, kas bus rytoj, vasarą ar žiemą.

Gyvenimo mačiau, visa kita sužinosiu.

Laba diena, aš studentas, išmoksiu.

Juk visi pradeda nuo nulio vieną dieną.

Aš žinau savo vietą. Ji čia prieš jus.

Aš turiu laiko, palauksiu savo šanso.

Pakeliausiu, gausiu gyvenimo avanso.

Kol suprasit: ne jūs, o aš renkuosi jus.

Myth of a Student

I am a known interesting creature

Alive with beer, but I also drink knowledge,

Later I pour it out on paper in college.

I‘m a student, the party preacher.

But there comes a time to be mature

You go through adverts, look for a job,

You don‘t want to be somebody‘s dog.

And you get an answer, really obscure.

Do you have experience and skills?

Or do you have just theory, you slob?

You need experience to get a job.

You need a job to get some skills.

When I‘ll need an intern, I‘ll say.

You‘re a student, what can you do?

Well, let me give you a clue:

I can not only stack papers all day.

My experience is not from academics,

Outside of university, not in class.

I know, it‘s funny, I‘m a young lass,

But I learned life, got more than basics.

I‘ve learned to live this day and night,

To remember to save some money for tomorrow,

Speak in public, give in to laughter, not sorrow,

Listen to other and not give in to fright.

I‘ve got memories I didn‘t ask for,

Learned how to fight and stand up,

When you feel like at war, buried up,

Your eyes judge you from in the mirror.

Student, know your place, they say.

But it‘s not right to judge by night,

By fall downs... Give me chance to fight,

To show we are different by day.

I don‘t know what will be in winter or summer,

I‘ve seen life, I‘ll learn what I‘ll need,

Good day, yes, I‘m a student, indeed.

Everybody starts from scratch, ain‘t it a bummer?

I know my place. It‘s here, in front of you.

I have time, I can wait for my chance.

I‘ll travel around, get some life advance.

Until you get this: you don‘t get a say, but I do.

Tostas Klajokliams/Toast for Wanderers

----Lithuanian first, English down below----

Tostas klajokliams

Mus dažnai apšaukia – dykaduoniai, bedarbiai!

Bet ar jie mus stengias suprasti? Vargiai.

Dar vienas terminas, kuris patinka – emigrantai.

„Jūs nusikalstat mūsų gerovės tautai!“

Pagalvokyt patys, kaip kvailai tai skamba,

Šalyje, kur staiga nieks džiaugsmo neranda.

Kas iš mūsų būtų, jei nebūtų pasauly kelionių?

Nors aišku, jau no senovės sako nemėgstam naujovių.

„Viskas gerai, kaip yra! Ko tau trankytis?!“

Na, todėl, kad aš noriu gyvenimą vytis.

Bet jūs vis norit mus įsprausti, uždaryti...

O mes gimėm paukščiais, gimėm skraidyti!

Mes optimistai, mes visad liekam vaikais,

Kurie nuotykių paprašė karštai mainais,

Atidavė stabilumą, taisykles ir normas.

Suprantu, jei tai neįeina į jūsų pasaulio formas.

Aišku, kad tai nėra kiekvienam.

Nedaug kam lengva gyventi vienam.

Ne visi gali gyventi be pinigų, be namų.

Bes mes gaunam kitokių pajamų.

Tai praplėstas akiratis.

Kaskart nauja patirtis.

Tai naujos šalys, draugai.

Tatuiruotės ir randai.

Tad keliu prieš jus kepurę,

Kad išmainėt namų saugumą

Į oro uostus ir kuprines,

Jūras, dykumas, kalnų viršūnes.

Už tuos, kurie už tūkstančio mylių,

Kupini naujų svajonių, tikslų ir vylių.

Už tuos, kurie stengias sugaut geriausius momentus,

Ir sustoja, kai reikia užpildyti dokumentus.

Galbūt jie grįš, o gal ir ne.

Kur jie šiandien? Nežinia.

Už tuos, kurie klajoja šiandien, klajos rytoj!

Aš prie jūsų prisijungsiu. Jau tuoj.

----------------------------------------------------

A Toast For Wanderers

People usually call us names – lazy bastards, unemployed!

But when we ask to understand us, they seem annoyed.

Emigrants is an another term I really enjoy:
„You disobey our countries rules for joy!“

Listen to yourselves – how silly it sounds

In a country where suddenly no joy is found

If there were no travelers what would have become of us?

But of course, from old times new things bring people disgust.

„Everything is fine! Why do you knock about?“
Well, because I want to see the world and I won‘t back out.

You always try to lock us up, make us comply...

But we were born as birds, we are born to fly.

We‘re optimists, we will always remain children,

Who wished for adventure, to become pilgrims,

Gave away stability, rules and norms.

I get it if it doesn‘t comply to your world forms.

Of course it‘s not for every one.

It‘s not easy to live alone.

It‘s hard to live without money or home...

But we are happy to travel on our own!

It‘s the new horizon,

Experience diamonds.

New countries and friends,

Tattoos and hurtful ends.

So I top my hat for you

If you traded home safety to

Airports and packed bags,

Seas, deserts and mountain flags.

So to those who are away thousands of myles,

Full of new dreams, goals and lots of smiles.

To those who try to catch the best of moments

And stop when they need visa components.

Maybe they‘ll come back, but they also might not.

To ask where are they know is a good  thought.

To those who wander today, who‘ll wander tomorrow!

I will join you soon, leave all behind and feel no sorrow.

Deep Shadows of the Blues - Poem

Lila was a very good girl

She followed all the rules

Lila was a very good girl

She didn‘t speak until told

Lila was a very good girl

She studied and kept smiling

Lila was a very good girl

Her outburst was suprising.

Apparently she drank liquer

And nobody really knew her

She cried on the bathroom floors

But always did her chores.

Her friends saw her happy face

When inside a war took place.

Aparently all was under a mask

To hide her feelings – that‘s the task.

After Drowning Land Is Bliss

You know that feeling when you drown?
When all your weight just drags you down…

When you can’t bear opening your own eyes
Cause the water covers, waves tell you lies.

So I started believing and said all is fine,
There was still that thing on my face. A smile.

Eventually I started running out of air
I didn’t understand, didn’t seem fair

What’s wrong, I tried to ask, but the waves
Tied me down and hushed, “You are saved”.

No, something’s wrong, but I didn’t know what
I tried to look around but my eyes stayed shut.

Eventually I got out, I felt the sun on my skin,
I stepped on land, I realized where I’d been.

I was underwater for such a long time,
I didn’t even remember how bells chimed.

So I’m sorry if I seem different and strange
I still need some time and effort to change.

At then later I met you, you smiled and took my hand,
And I knew, I saw your face before, but not on land.

I saw those eyes that hide stories deep inside,
And of course that smile that always looks so kind

But disappears if asked about the troubles of the past
And suddenly I remembered how it felt, all so fast.

I’m pretty sure you remember that feeling too.
That’s why you think you know me, don’t you?

It’s because we can see it in each other’s eyes:
The water, the waves, fakes smiles, “I’m fine"s.

We don’t talk about it, but we both know this
Being on land after drowning feels like bliss.